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Inspiring stuff. The second function , understanding, and perceptual lens to view ego is as tool, skill set and intelligence, and this is a remarkably helpful and useful treasure-trove of creative abilities, discoveries, resources, and delights!

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Ego-mind as tool, skill set and intelligence is a most helpful support, servant, and powerful ally. It can aid us in helping marshal many workable internal resources you can wisely direct to make your way into the world. This can powerfully help you to not only exist and find ways to effectively support yourself and others, but to flourish, develop and thrive. This self, with no claim to being the source, author or authority for Life, is a key tool for spotting survival threats, engaging in analytical thinking, deductive and inductive logic, problem solving, strategy forming, critical thinking, memory retrieval, brainstorming, decision-making, and goal setting.

Again, pause, look and see this second function of ego as tool, skill set and intelligence: what is the most appropriate and fitting attitude by which to hold it? Given all the talents, strengths and genius everyone of us are born with coming of grace, the opportunity to build, nurture, develop and sharpen our inner resources can be seen as a tremendous opportunity, challenge and gift.

Within this perspective, living each day, hour and moment is an exciting opening for growth, adaptively honing, developing and broadening our skill sets, abilities, talents, strategies, intelligences and strengths. Acting in this regard we contribute to life—our immediate loved ones, extended family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and the world at large, including ourselves. In this context we have a non-zero-sum game going on, a win-win game with no losers. The third function , understanding, and perceptual lens to view ego is as a natural and normal developmental stage for responsibility and accountability, caring and empathy, other people having needs, wants and interests of their own, to begin to get on-line for progressively building these skill sets, abilities and intelligences.

In the field of Psychology, moving through this critical developmental stage is widely seen as a necessary, essential and healthy milestone. In this stage we begin to outgrow the primary narcissism of a one-year-old in a major shift in seeing other beings as flesh-and-blood people in their own right, with all the attendant qualities of a living human being—needs, wants, feelings, yearnings, dreams, and a incredible range of feelings, thoughts and actions. What would we do without these executive abilities that most of us take for granted?

At the extremes, usually triggered by significant traumas, neglect, willful cruelty and other forms of abuse, are three possibilities. Misguided impulses and misdirected behaviors aspire to unhealthy adoration and devaluation. Hedonism is coupled with periodic reactivity and insecurity. A second version of the pre-ego suggests the opposite polarity: a self-defeating restrictiveness through over-regulated inhibition that arises from diminishment or hatred of the veneer of a fabricated false self. A third possibility, the oscillation between disinhibition and inhibition, results in wild, erratic and confused behavior.

Once again, please pause, look and see for yourself this third function of ego as an essential and healthy developmental stage, and ask what is the most appropriate and fitting attitude by which to hold it? Basically you can hold it as a good, even wonderful, developmental milestone, especially when you consider the other alternative paths when you do not go through this necessary stage. Gratitude is fitting given it is this healthy stage of development that helped us survive, gain some mastery over meeting the needs of our lives, aided us to grow into social animals that can be good team players, and helped us hone a balance of meeting our own needs with choosing to meet the needs of others.

The question, what can I give back, and how we answer this query in action, is lovely given all of our blessings in functionally navigating through this critical stage. In other words, the ego-mind can be seen as who you and I think we are, and who we think other people think we are.

This imaginary or false self is the natural outgrowth of the third function over time, at least into late adolescence and early adulthood.


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Beyond this time, have we all overstayed our visit to the fair, so to speak? This false thinking mind is best considered as our opportunity for healing the many wounds of our past since it carries all the past conditioning, survival beliefs, dysfunctional stories, self-defeating behaviors, obsessive thinking and incomplete emotions.

Since the ego in this function is purely past conditioning and concepts, witnessing it allows you to see through all concepts as unreal, not true, and simply dismiss them. You are officially evicted! An intriguing way to perceive and hold the ego in this fourth function, understanding and perceptual lens as a phantom hungry ghost that thinks it is you, is to actively enlist the ego-mind as your dutiful, most excellent servant and let it completely serve you in so many ways!

For over a decade I have not set my radio alarm clock, preferring to set my mind. With the rare exception of being grossly sleep-deprived or dog tired, the ego-mind has done a fabulous job waking me at almost the precise time I asked it to! What service! Doing this on occasion, it has aided my survival and well-being. By giving the ego-mind a task as your marvelous servant who truly want to serve you, you and everybody wins—another win-win, more-than-enough-for-everyone game!

Since the ego wants to please you so it can stay in business, it has a heavily staked interest and huge investment in you. Knowing this, you can give it a really cool task that sends it packing, at least for a while. For illustration, you can give it the task to alert you when it gets activated, which you can then profusely thank it for since this awareness actually sidelines, dissolves and disappears it, at least for this moment.

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Another example: ask it to spot worry, fear and catastrophic thoughts to immediately see through and surrender, and once it does, let it freely roam in its imaginary pasture. Another one: ask it to spot when it jumps into the past or the future, past- and future- tripping respectively, and bring it to your attention to cue you to return to presence. Give it many thankful strokes. Simply see and release the very shenanigans it made up in the first place.

Still another: ask it to let you know when comparisons and linking one thing to another in an unworkable way comes forth. Again, gratefully praise it for this and send it for a well- deserved time of play, rest, or even an extended holiday around the world until it is needed again. Ask who claims this, and see through its claim as false. Believe none of this. Rather, investigate and discover for yourself using self-inquiry approaches drawing upon your direct experience.

In fact, you may give it essentially nothing, since it is nothing other than a fabrication and dream of consciousness that served specific purposes for as long as they were needed. Without demonizing or villianizing it, you can be kind and compassionate, while completely seeing, outgrowing and surrendering what cannot be true. Your ego has 3 primary human needs — needs that are beyond basic survival of food, water, shelter.

They are:. This need encompasses the need to feel secure and certain. You have a need to feel that things will be the way you left them. In the first world, at-peace countries, the need for safety has also grown into a need to feel comfort. If we know we will feel more comfort, we are likely to pay a higher price.

Your life was at great risk because safety came in numbers and in all honestly, your demise was just a matter of time. We hunger for it a lot. We want to feel that we are contributing in some way and not the same way everybody else is. We want to feel like we matter to people who matter to us.

We want to feel that our presence is known and would be missed if not there. Those of us with an untrained ego go through our daily lives constantly looking for ways to control conditions so that we feed these 3 needs. That is NOT just after your ego is triggered. For example, a morning workout can be a great time for ego training too.

If your ego is constantly looking for conditions that feed the 3 ego needs, training your ego is really just a matter of quieting the ego. The best way to quiet the ego is to sooth it. How do you sooth it? For example, you might wake up in the morning feeling overburdened by all the demands of life. Maybe you are a single mom and are trying to get your business off its feet so you can quit your JOB.

You have a LOT of demands on you — to be a good parent, to provide a safe, secure and comfortable home for your kids, to provide a great education, to be good at your JOB, to be good at marketing your travel business so you can attract a lot of great clients…. But really what is happening is your needs for safety, belonging and mattering are on empty and you are looking at the conditions of being a mom, good employee and good business owner as means to feeding those needs. Your ego is telling you those tanks are on empty and nudging you to get out of bed and take action to fill those tanks by controlling specific conditions.

Your ego wants you to control conditions in your life so that those tanks get filled.

What Is Ego - How Your Ego Dictates Your Entire Life

The other way is to reverse the order. So rather than jumping out of bed to get into action to control conditions, just lying in bed for 20 minutes, flooding yourself with the feeling of safety, comfort, security, certainty, belonging, significance, importance, etc is actually enough. Then the miracle can happen.

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It creates the space for your higher self to step forward and take the steering wheel of your life. And the other thing that is so cool about this practice is that life will bring you condition after condition to mirror your newfound state of feeling totally safe, totally secure, totally comfortable, totally belonging and totally mattering. Your email address will not be published.